The Challenges of Singleness

Let's face it - being single is HARD!  There are many challenges that come with the lack of having a lifelong partner by your side.  Practically speaking, it is very difficult to afford living when you are single.  I still remember my days of rationing out toilet paper squares the year after I graduated from my Masters program!  On top of that, add the emotional burden of being solely responsible for yourself - emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  Sure, the church and your community are there to help support you, but I have found that it is often the cry of the single man or woman's heart to have something deeper than what is being offered.  Singles are yearning for a connectedness with others, yet are often stifled by the boundaries of being "a single person". 

Recently someone passed this blog post on to me, and I thought it was well worth sharing:

http://lindseysthoughts.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/6-ways-to-love-single-women-in-your-church/

Whether you are a single person needing affirmation of the loneliness and pain you may be going through, or a married person needing practical ideas for how you can love your single friends well, I think the aforementioned link will be good food for your soul.

I personally feel like I come from both worlds - I was single up until age 30, and I have now been married for a whopping 4 months!  In true Counselor fashion, I see the pros and cons of each lifestyle.  Marriage is definitely a gift, and I love it!  However, I think singleness can also be a gift, but for some reason it seems harder to love.  So here are my thought provoking questions for the day:

• Does singleness feel like less of a gift because community in their lives is lacking?  
• How well do we really support and love those that are around us (marrieds and unmarrieds)?
• Are we so caught up in our own lives and our busy schedules that we miss the opportunities to connect with others more deeply?

Maybe as we all go through these next few days, weeks, months, and years we can practice mindfulness in this area, and let God's love for us flow through to all whom we encounter!

What Drives Anxiety?

Let's face it - there's a lot to be anxious about in today's society. Between the rising cost of living, the decrease in employment opportunities, and the many other life stressors we face, it's no wonder there are so many individuals struggling with anxiety! According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), approximately 40 MILLION Americans over the age of 18 have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.


So What Is An Anxiety Disorder?
Anxiety disorders include panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and phobias. Some people may struggle with an anxiety disorder and may not even realize it. Symptoms can range anywhere from having chronic feelings of dread, to avoidance of certain situations and/or things, to full blown panic attacks. It is important that you or your loved ones do not ignore these symptoms. If you do, you're only cheating yourself out of a healthier, happier way of living.

The First Step
I would suggest going to your primary care doctor to discuss the symptoms you are feeling. It is important to first rule out any underlying health problems. Next, I would recommend seeing a counselor (CIT, PLPC, LPC). Counselors can help you work through the anxiety you are experiencing, and can offer practical techniques to reduce anxiety and stress.

Counseling Techniques for Anxiety
There are a variety of ways to deal with anxiety disorders. Some I have found to be helpful include:
(1) Journal - Document the time, place, people, thoughts, and emotions that take place when you get anxious. Are there any patterns? Any triggers?
(2) Deep Breathing - Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Be sure to breathe deeply from your diaphragm, expanding your stomach when you breathe in.
(3) Exercise - This is a great stress reducer!
(4) Diet Check - Are you eating foods or drinking too much caffeine? Bad news - that may be increasing your anxiety.
(5) Physical Relaxation - Try tensing your muscles, then relaxing them. Note the contrast between how you feel when you are tense, and how you feel when you are relaxed. Go to a quiet place where you can focus on relaxing your muscle groups one by one.
(6) Prayer - Take some time to focus on what's really important in life - God. He is here for you, cares for you, and loves you deeply. Pray about the things in your life that are causing you to worry. My seminary professor, Dr. Richard Winter, once said, "Anxiety exposes idols." Perhaps this is God's way of leading you into a deeper awareness and closeness to Him.

Whatever your struggle may be, it is my hope that God will teach you and bless you through this experience. Many people find mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual healing through the aforementioned steps. Dealing with the issues you are facing may be a short process or a long one...either way, it is a GOOD one!