Why I Counsel

If my life had gone exactly how I had planned, right now I would be doing mission work in Central America and using my Music Education degree to share the gospel with and teach music to kids and families living in a trash dump.  So how (and why?!) did I end up here in St. Louis, the very city I’ve lived in my entire life, doing something totally unrelated to my initial degree? I think Proverbs 16:9 sums it up well: "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Ever since seventh grade I felt God calling me to the mission field. I loved the many mission trips I went on in my life, and I had a heart to spread the Gospel and serve others.  I also had an elaborate plan as to how I would do this – I would get a music degree, learn Spanish, and then serve with one of our church ministries in Central America.  The stage was set, my plan was in motion, and things were going great…until I graduated from college.

After graduating from college with a Music Education degree, I was unable to go to Central America due to heightened political unrest and gang violence.  During that time I felt so lost – I knew the basis of what I wanted to do was to help foster positive change in others’ lives, but I had no idea what that would look like now that all my plans had been foiled.  All I knew was the painstaking reality that my college degree and my dream of 10 years were all seemingly a complete waste.  How did I miss God’s call for my life?  Am I completely crazy?  Is there anything out there that I can do that will be fulfilling?  These were just some of the questions I wrestled with on my journey. 

Through waiting on God, much prayer, seeking advice from others, and career counseling, God navigated me through my shattered plan and set me on the course of a much greater one. God’s good and perfect plan for me far surpassed anything I could have conceived because it reached the depths of my heart.  God knew that my true belief was that I could care less if people knew how many beats were in a whole note or the difference between a verse and a chorus.  He knew that my true desire was to serve Him by supporting and encouraging others as they walk through their problems, and to meet them with mercy, love, grace, and above all the Gospel. 

And so here I am.  I’ve been counseling since 2009 and I absolutely love what I do.  Sure, it’s hard…really hard.  But being welcomed into others’ lives, to sit with them as they wrestle with their hardships and celebrate their joys, and to bring them the hope of the Gospel is a true privilege and a gift.  It’s amazing to look back at how God has taken the plans of that seventh grade girl and made steps for her to land somewhere even better than she had imagined.  I think this truly is a testament to God’s plan for me, for my clients, and everyone else out there.  He sees us, He knows us, and He is leading us. 

The Challenges of Singleness

Let's face it - being single is HARD!  There are many challenges that come with the lack of having a lifelong partner by your side.  Practically speaking, it is very difficult to afford living when you are single.  I still remember my days of rationing out toilet paper squares the year after I graduated from my Masters program!  On top of that, add the emotional burden of being solely responsible for yourself - emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  Sure, the church and your community are there to help support you, but I have found that it is often the cry of the single man or woman's heart to have something deeper than what is being offered.  Singles are yearning for a connectedness with others, yet are often stifled by the boundaries of being "a single person". 

Recently someone passed this blog post on to me, and I thought it was well worth sharing:

http://lindseysthoughts.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/6-ways-to-love-single-women-in-your-church/

Whether you are a single person needing affirmation of the loneliness and pain you may be going through, or a married person needing practical ideas for how you can love your single friends well, I think the aforementioned link will be good food for your soul.

I personally feel like I come from both worlds - I was single up until age 30, and I have now been married for a whopping 4 months!  In true Counselor fashion, I see the pros and cons of each lifestyle.  Marriage is definitely a gift, and I love it!  However, I think singleness can also be a gift, but for some reason it seems harder to love.  So here are my thought provoking questions for the day:

• Does singleness feel like less of a gift because community in their lives is lacking?  
• How well do we really support and love those that are around us (marrieds and unmarrieds)?
• Are we so caught up in our own lives and our busy schedules that we miss the opportunities to connect with others more deeply?

Maybe as we all go through these next few days, weeks, months, and years we can practice mindfulness in this area, and let God's love for us flow through to all whom we encounter!

What Drives Anxiety?

Let's face it - there's a lot to be anxious about in today's society. Between the rising cost of living, the decrease in employment opportunities, and the many other life stressors we face, it's no wonder there are so many individuals struggling with anxiety! According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), approximately 40 MILLION Americans over the age of 18 have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.


So What Is An Anxiety Disorder?
Anxiety disorders include panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and phobias. Some people may struggle with an anxiety disorder and may not even realize it. Symptoms can range anywhere from having chronic feelings of dread, to avoidance of certain situations and/or things, to full blown panic attacks. It is important that you or your loved ones do not ignore these symptoms. If you do, you're only cheating yourself out of a healthier, happier way of living.

The First Step
I would suggest going to your primary care doctor to discuss the symptoms you are feeling. It is important to first rule out any underlying health problems. Next, I would recommend seeing a counselor (CIT, PLPC, LPC). Counselors can help you work through the anxiety you are experiencing, and can offer practical techniques to reduce anxiety and stress.

Counseling Techniques for Anxiety
There are a variety of ways to deal with anxiety disorders. Some I have found to be helpful include:
(1) Journal - Document the time, place, people, thoughts, and emotions that take place when you get anxious. Are there any patterns? Any triggers?
(2) Deep Breathing - Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Be sure to breathe deeply from your diaphragm, expanding your stomach when you breathe in.
(3) Exercise - This is a great stress reducer!
(4) Diet Check - Are you eating foods or drinking too much caffeine? Bad news - that may be increasing your anxiety.
(5) Physical Relaxation - Try tensing your muscles, then relaxing them. Note the contrast between how you feel when you are tense, and how you feel when you are relaxed. Go to a quiet place where you can focus on relaxing your muscle groups one by one.
(6) Prayer - Take some time to focus on what's really important in life - God. He is here for you, cares for you, and loves you deeply. Pray about the things in your life that are causing you to worry. My seminary professor, Dr. Richard Winter, once said, "Anxiety exposes idols." Perhaps this is God's way of leading you into a deeper awareness and closeness to Him.

Whatever your struggle may be, it is my hope that God will teach you and bless you through this experience. Many people find mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual healing through the aforementioned steps. Dealing with the issues you are facing may be a short process or a long one...either way, it is a GOOD one!